How To Be Confident

Before I begin telling you exactly what you need to do to transform yourself from a shy, maybe a little awkward cocoon into a beautiful, confident social butterfly, let me ask you this:

• Do you want to be confident with girls (or guys, if you are a girl)?

• Do you want to get more respect from your friends and acquaintances?

• Do you want to believe in yourself, more than anything else?

• Be able to speak to the public, without the shameful stuttering?

If you answered to yes, to at least one of the questions above, you’re in for a treat. How do I know? I was just like you. Success doesn’t come easy for us. A lot of well meaning people would tell you “just be confident”, like it’s an easy switch that you can turn on and off at will. Read this post, learn my story and find out how I managed to change myself and how my story will, hopefully, change your life too…

No matter if you’re a man or a woman, this story will be important to you.

It shouldn’t take you more than couple of minutes to read through anything, so without further ado, let’s begin with …

The guy who changed my life

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How to be confident

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Confidence is a state of mind. Freedom of doubt. You don’t have to second guess your choices, you know  that you made the right one, time and time again.

That’s what he told me. And by he, I mean Dan, a guy I haven’t seen from high school.

Things were quite different then. Dan was the shy, quiet kind of guy. He sat somewhere out of sight. It’s been so long that I can’t even remember where. He had couple of friends, (two, including me) but even with us, he will rarely talk as if he were scared of losing us. And if he was afraid of us, you can imagine when it comes to girls how he was. He would instantly blush whenever he had to talk to a girl, voice suddenly disappeared and he would just look petrified …

You can say high school is/was pretty tough on all of us, and you would be right.

Fast forward to last year. I haven’t seen Dan for ages. I just walking down the street with a couple of my work buddies, thinking of grabbing a bite at the local restaurant and there he was. I almost didn’t recognize him.

He was surrounded by three beautiful women, all giggling at his every word. And he had a huge smile on his face. His posture seemed changed. He would look everybody straight in the eyes and just exude confidence.

I couldn’t believe it. It looked identical to the old Dan I knew, but he was just not the same man. I had to learn his secret. If he could do a 360 degrees turnaround, then maybe so will I.

I’ve waited to catch him alone (which was very hard btw), and I waved at him. He didn’t recognize me at first, but once he did, he came to me and shook my hand like I was his long lost brother. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said it was too long. All I could do was to nod…

We exchanged numbers and agreed we had to meet soon and catch up. And indeed, we had a lot to catch up …

One small step every day and you’ll climb the mountain

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He got my full attention

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I wanted Dan’s secrets. I wanted to know exactly what he did to be more confident. I was definitely not expecting this. Probably, expected some canned answer, the ones that you find on internet like dress well, have a good posture, speak up for yourself without being rude, be gracious, stop being negative or perfectionist (like that’s a choice), and many other that I’m sure you’ve read and heard thousands of times before.

He said it took him some time. No matter how much you want to, you can’t change overnight. It’s just not possible.

What you can do however, is change yourself just a little every day. Slowly, he said, he began to be aware of all the small things that made him insecure about himself. Once he did that, he realized that he pushed away a lot of friends of the years, without him knowing, but also he realized one more thing.

He realized that he can change. Not much, just a little every day. It was tough in the beginning, but once you get started, the ball keeps rolling, and it gets easier every time.

He told me he had a notebook, where he was writing each day, things he has done and things he remembered saying and he would put them in two categories: things that exude lack of confidence for others and, things that he should’ve done or said instead.

The goal was first, to realize what he has done and said, then, reimagining the event, what he should’ve done or said.

That’s the first breakthrough. Holding yourself accountable for your actions and interactions with other people, he said.

Next, you want to change a little every other day. You have to push yourself a little harder every day and check something in the “exuded confidence today”. Every small victory counts.

You have to surround yourself, in time, with people who believe in you and people that you can learn from. Each day, you have to learn something from them and make sure there’s a way to measure the learning process.

Sounds a little abstract, but it’s not. For instance, he told me once he had to a job interview. It was a big company, one that he wanted to work for, like forever. But he was so afraid of the idea that he will fail the interview, that he almost missed it.

Do you want to know what he did to get the job?

I’m sure you will. He paid one of his friends $200 to make sure he will push him to go to the interview. And he actually had to physically push him some of the way, but he was such a big man that you don’t really want to go against, that he had no choice not to show up.

He also said he would pay the guy another $500 just to stay with him through the interview and check if he stays more than 7 minutes inside. He didn’t have $500, so you can imagine he put himself in a situation where he had no choice  but to do what he was supposed to do.

This is the road to success. Set yourself up so that you have no choice but to do the right things.

Slap yourself on the wrist a little when you overexplain or overcomplain, but reward yourself whenever you conquer one of your fears and get a little closer to where you want to be.

Remember, you first need to acknowledge that you want to chance, be very aware of things you did or said, and hold yourself accountable for your actions. That coupled with the “setting up for success” technique will be the key to becoming more confident and more successful in everything you want to achieve (love, money, respect).

Confidence isn’t the magic key. It’s the road to get that key that defines you.

The end, but not really

I believe learning how to be confident can only be done by following the footsteps of someone who’s been there, done that. I hope you find my story entertaining and above all else useful. You can find someone who’s walked the road close to you, if you pay attention. Ask them, and they’ll tell. We love to share our success stories.

I said the end, but it’s only the end of my story. It’s only the begging of a new journey for you.

Whenever I watch a bond movie, I always end up wondering what’s so magical about the spy guy that makes him so alluring towards the girls. All he has to do is smile in a manner which makes the girls go weak in their knees and that’s half the job done. Combine that with the ease and coolness with which he does it all and you really start to doubt whether such sort of a thing really happens in real life. Well gentlemen, it does, and that’s the power of confidence.

Confidence is a very powerful tool. If you have seen the movie ‘Catch Me If You Can’ which has actors Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio starring in them, you will remember how Leonardo’s character used to walk confidently into the banks with his fake checks, purporting to be a pilot, and he used to exude so much confidence and coolness that the bank personnel didn’t even bother to inspect the checks! Now we are not here to rob a bank, we are here to achieve something considered far more difficult – how to impress a girl! However, both require the same tool – CONFIDENCE (robbing a bank requires a few more tools but more on that in a later blog!).

Now the question you shall be promptly throwing at me like darts at a dartboard is how to ‘BE’ confident with girls. That is the big question and I shall attempt to answer that now. You see, confidence is like the peak of a mountain, and what might be the mountain itself? Well, the answer is that the mountain is another enigma called success. You would be surprised at how easily confidence can build in you once you start being successful in whatever you do. Why are the great men so confident? Do they train themselves on how to be confident? Do they hire psychologists to advice them? NO! It comes to them naturally because they are so successful.

So, you would think that I’m telling you to be successful with girls and thus gain confidence. Isn’t that why you are reading this in the first place? To be successful with girls? Well, we all learn through experience and it’s the effort that we put in that really decides whether we learn from the experience or not. So, in order that you start in the right direction, let me tell you a few pointers that you must remember. You can even learn a little more from my personal “How To Be Confident” story…

WHAT TO DO:

1. First and foremost, dress well. Sometimes, it’s just our attire that fills us with confidence.

2. Write down all the positive and good qualities about you as well as the unique things about you which you feel make you different from others. Now, read this regularly and remember all the things that you have written. Right before approaching the girl, just remind yourself of how marvelous a person you are and that any girl would be lucky to have your company. That will make you quite confident.

3. Make eye contact. That is the first thing that a confident person will do while conversing with someone and so should you.

4. Keep calm and cool while making conversation with a girl and don’t react strongly to anything she says. Think about what you’re going to speak by first quickly saying it in your mind. This way, not only do you appear wise but you can also refrain from saying anything stupid. Also, while speaking, speak in a deep serious voice rather than the tone of a fun-loving happy-go-lucky guy.

5. Be knowledgeable. When you make conversation and you tell them about interesting facts that they didn’t know, you will feel more confident since you are engaging their minds – you are in charge! This will boost your confidence manifolds. Keep building on this confidence and you shall have a great experience I promise you.

WHAT NOT TO DO:

1. Never lie about your accomplishments or about anything just to create a false impression. Trust me, it will get really embarrassing if the truth comes out.

2. Don’t overdo your coolness because it will make you appear boorish. Also, make sure that you are not being rude to them in any way in your attempt to be confident.

3. Don’t forget your manners. Remember that a confident man is always well-mannered and knows etiquette.

All you have to do is just be yourself, but in a polished and elegant way and I’m sure you will grow in confidence as time goes by. Remember, persevere, and you shall have what you want.

Confidence killers, they are the things you do that ruin your chances of meeting and getting the guy you want. Women do this to themselves all of the time. Without confidence, you approach a man only to end up feeling rejected. This creates a horrible pattern because it further damages your self confidence. There is no secret to getting men. Be yourself and be confident in yourself. Men find confidence to be one of the most attractive features of a woman. There are a number of ways to display your confidence around men.

Jealousy is never attractive and shows a complete lack of confidence. The problem is, most women are jealous of women that they do not need to be. Avoid the trap of making negative comments about other women. You should never try to make yourself look better by degrading another. If you have confidence in yourself, you do not need to point out the faults in others.

Demonstrate your confidence in your movements and actions. Slouching, turning away and even subtle actions will show a lack of confidence. Think of a runway model. They could be dressed in burlap and cardboard but still own the runway. Why? Because of the way they walk, hold themselves and make eye contact with the crowd. Their movements are dynamic, strong and sexy. It will get the attention of the guy you want to meet when you approach him like he was at the end of that runway.

How you speak is critical to showing confidence. Nervous laughs and giggles are cute not confidence. Speak so you can be heard. Speak clearly and do not be afraid to lean in to speak to a guy. If a guy has to ask you to repeat yourself too often, then he will lose interest in the conversation and in you. When you talk to a guy, do not downplay your self. Sure you do not want to brag, but do not talk like your job is horrible, ex-boyfriend experiences and other negative topics. Keep the conversation and yourself positive and upbeat.

Increasing your confidence is not difficult. There are a few simple things that you can do to dramatically boost your confidence in yourself. Make a list of all of your strengths. Look at them every morning or anytime that you need to get an extra boost to your own self-esteem. Practice your poise and walk. After a while, these displays of confidence will be as natural as breathing.

Getting the guy you want is not as difficult as you may think. There is no secret to it. Men like a confident woman and like to be around them. Man love confidence that women have to stand on their own.They do not want a girl that needs constant attention. If you have the time, read also how to be confident. When you display that confidence to the guy you want, it is virtually impossible for them to resist wanting to learn more about you. Once you have their interest, it is that much easier for you to go further.

Confidence is what everybody wants in order for them to feel better about themselves. It’s the confidence that leads us to achieving great things in our lives, and without any of it, you won’t be able to go after anything that you’d like to achieve. Confidence, however, can be hard to gain, especially if you aren’t very social or you have very little experience with doing big things. With the right confidence, you can achieve anything that you want. Confidence is extremely good to have, and when you have the right amount of confidence in yourself, you’ll feel much better than you normally do. For my personal take on How To Be Confident read the first post of this blog …

Why and how confidence and affect your life

Confidence can affect your life’s outcome because of how you will feel about yourself and the people around you. With confidence, you won’t need to be scared or afraid to do what it is that you want, or talk to the people that you’ve always wanted to talk to. People will usually accept the fact that they’re timid, but you don’t need to feel like that forever. With just a bit more confidence, you’ll have the courage to go after whatever it is that you’d want to achieve.

Tips on how to be more confident

The best way to be more confident is by simply changing your overall aura. Whether it’s walking down the street differently, dressing to impress, or simply putting on more makeup (if you’re a girl). All of these things can help give you the confidence you need to feel and look stronger. Let’s face it, you feel good when you wear certain clothes, right? Well, why not wear those clothes more often than you normally would. This will surely help you feel more confident.

Yes, I’m confident!

Yes, I'm confident!

Walk the walk

Walking differently can help show yourself that you don’t need to feel timid or behind the curtains. If you’re a guy, don’t be afraid to stride and walk the way you really want to walk. If you’re a woman, walk the woman’s walk, or the model walk, everywhere that you go.

Find success everyday

Many people who aren’t confident are those who are usually not thankful for what they have or what they’ve been able to achieve. They look at everything that’s wrong, and they focus on that making them feel even more bad. By looking for success in your everyday life, you’ll find more things in your life that will make you realize that you can do anything.

What would a confident person do?

When it comes down to any situation in life, ask yourself that one question. What would a confident person do? If ever you find yourself at a crossroads in your life, nervous when you meet people, struggling to achieve your dreams, or afraid to go after something, ask yourself tat simple question. You’ll find the answer right away, and all you need to do is follow along and listening to what your mind tells you.

Confidence may not seem important to have, but without it, you won’t feel good about yourself or have good feelings about going after what you want. No matter how big or small of a goal you may want to achieve, as long as you’re able to put these tips into action, you’ll experience more confidence in yourself than you’ve ever felt possible.

Confidence plays a vital role in how we lead our lives today. It can dictate how successful and popular an individual becomes. It is not something that we are always conscious of, although low confidence will lead to nagging doubts about our ability or over confidence will lead to failure when our confidence betrays our ability. Many factors that affect our confidence are beyond our control and often it is other peoples’ perception of us or indeed our perception of ourselves that determines just how confident we are.

Many people have low or reduced self confidence and this can have detrimental affects on their lifestyles. It may lead to problems in succeeding in the business world, forming relationships and friendships and low self esteem. Confidence is often learnt and will be affected by many factors. Parents, colleagues and peers will all play a vital role in how confident we become. The love of a supportive family will boost self confidence.

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How To Build Confidence

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As we grow we are encouraged to develop and if this development is allowed to happen in a nurturing envirnoment it will lead to a higher level of confidence. We all make mistakes as we grow and if our errors are unnecessarily highlighted, criticized and ridiculed it may lead to confidence issues.

If we are allowed to learn from our mistakes as we grow we will quickly grasp that mistakes are part of nature and will inevitably happen.

The alternative is to fear error and this will often lead to an individual not taking chances and to do their utmost to remain unnoticed and to blend into the background.

Social standing may also lead to confidence issues, if an individual feels inferior then the level of confidence may be affected.

Of course confidence can be a vital defense mechanism and over confidence can be just as damaging as low confidence. Low self esteem can be built upon and overcome. With application and assistance it is possible to beat low self confidence. Many tips are aimed  and generally encourage an individual to feel better about themselves. Please also refer to the How To Be Confident post to learn couple of more “tricks” from my own experience…

These general tips you may want to consider:

1.  Avoiding highly critical people or groups will begin to address the issue. Negative criticism will heighten low confidence issues and add to the problem

2.  Take up a hobby or pastime that you are comfortable with and learn to accept praise when offered. This praise will often be justified and can boost an ego.

3.  Act more positively and list the things you do well. Highlight them and read them whenever confidence may be fading. This reassurance may prove invaluable.

4.  Perhaps it may be possible to seek professional advice, for example hypnosis, as this may often help to overcome confidence issues.

5.  Relax more and try to avoid situations where your confidence may be tested. It is sometimes better to avoid situations rather then exasperate the already low confidence issue.

Here’s a good video tutorial:

Low confidence can be overcome, by avoiding others who expect too much of you or are highly critical the problem may be alleviated. You are what you are! Confidence is only a perception and it plays different roles in peoples’ lives Often people who believe they lack confidence will be perceived in a different light by others.